


Choke

by FrogPrincess



Category: The OC (TV)
Genre: F/M, Grief/Mourning, Implied/Referenced Character Death
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-01-09
Updated: 2020-01-14
Packaged: 2021-02-25 09:53:47
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 2,561
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22190341
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/FrogPrincess/pseuds/FrogPrincess
Summary: Darkness cannot drive out darkness: only light can do that. Hate cannot drive out hate: only love can do that.MLK
Relationships: Ryan Atwood/Summer Roberts
Comments: 2
Kudos: 3





	1. Chapter 1

”She’s got a date Friday, y’know” Taylor informed him.

Ryan looked up from the book he was reading, surprise flashing in his eyes, “I didn’t know.”

”She probably wasn’t going to tell you, in case you thought it was too soon.”

”She can do what she wants.”

”I don’t think it’s too soon, as long as it’s for the right guy.”

”Is it the right guy? Where did she meet him?” He wanted to ask more questions, but two was enough for now.

”Well, ironically I don’t think she will know that until she’s actually had a date with the guy. And she met him here, actually,” Taylor gestured around them at the little coffee shop they were in.

”Does he know that...?” Ryan couldn’t bring himself to say the rest, but knew Taylor would fill in the blanks.

”That her best friend and boyfriend died six months ago... I guess not, because that just screams baggage and guys do _not_ like baggage.”

Taylor went back to her magazine and Ryans eyes flicked back to his book, but he wasn’t reading it any more.

He put it down suddenly on the table, “it’s too soon,” he declared.

Taylor placed her magazine down with a sigh, “which is probably why she hasn’t told you, because she knew you’d think that.”

”You said that already,” he huffed, “why are you telling me anyways?”

Taylor’s lips pursed together, “you gotta ask yourself this, but ask it quick because it’s Wednesday, and her date is on Friday,” her eyes flicked to the street outside and then to the door, “I gotta go, she’s here...” she collected her magazine and bag and stood.

”Are you bothered about Summer dating because it’s too soon after Seth’s death?” she sighed and gave him a sad look, “or are you bothered because it’s not with _you_?”

Before Ryan could process she was gone.

And when the question had set in, and Taylor’s implied meaning, Summer was sliding into the vacated chair.

”Hey Ryan, why is Taylor rushing off? I thought we picked this time to catch up because it suited us all?”

”It’s been six months,” Ryan stated, ignoring her question.

Summer’s eyes darkened and her face turned into a frown, “you don’t think I know that?”

Ryan blinked and registered the hurt look Summer gave him.

”I think Taylor thought we would like to be alone.”

Summers gaze softened, “beach?”

Ryan nodded, taking a walk along the beach had become something they did to remember Seth and Marissa, to talk about them, mourn them. 


	2. Chapter 2

They walked on the beach for a while and unusually Summer was quiet. Ryan found himself talking more than usual to fill the silence.

Not that silence between them was ever uncomfortable. In the early days of Seth and Marissa’s deaths they spent days together, hidden away in the Cohen’s pool house not a word uttered as they grieved, only needing to know the other was there.

”Isn’t it weird,” Summer finally said, “us having regular heart to hearts.”

He nodded in agreement, “you’re a victim of circumstance Sum, only having me to talk too,” he gave her a cheeky wink.

She pulled out her tongue, “I can talk to other people,” then she smiled, “but I do happen to prefer your company. You get it. You get how I feel when I can’t put it into words.”

”Same,” he agreed, slinging his arm affectionately across her shoulders, as they walked, “what’s more weird is we regularly hang out with Taylor Townsend.” They both laughed.

“Weirder still I’m actually staying in her apartment so I’m close to the both of you while I supposedly figure my life out,” slowly their giggled subsided.

”You’re my best friend, Ryan,” Summer said after a while, her tone taking on a slight sadness and her voice wavered slightly.

He squeezed her shoulders, “and you’re mine Summer Roberts.”

Then with a sigh Summer sat down on the sand, facing the water, she half pulled Ryan next to her, who eyed her in concern.

More silence stretched out.

”You can tell me,” he said finally, with a shrug, “no judgement here.”

”Ah,” she gave him a small sad smile, “so Taylor has already told you.”

”She did,” he confirmed.

”Do you think it’s too soon?”

Ryan sighed, “only you can know that Sum. But if it feels right then don’t worry about what anyone else thinks. If there is one thing we have learnt it’s that life’s too short.”

She nodded thoughtfully, “I keep thinking I’m betraying Seth... but he’s not here to betray... I don’t believe in anything after life, so it’s not like I think he’s somewhere watching and turning in his grave.”

”Summer, you would never betray him. You are only in this situation because he’s not here. And you do have to move on. Only you know when it will feel right.”

”I keep wanting to call and cancel, y’know,” she swirled her fingers around in the sand, “the poor guy has no idea about any of it... but in the moment he asked me, I wanted to say yes, and so I did. It wasn’t that I forgot about Seth, or that I am rushing to find someone to replace him,” she made a face.

”It just felt natural to say yes,” Ryan simplified.

Summer nodded, “exactly. I mean, I keep panicking about it now, but it was just, I felt I didn’t have a reason to say no, and actually, I wanted to say yes...”

“So, who is this guy?”

She grinned, “I’ve bumped into him a few times at the coffee shop, he’s funny,” she blushed, “and he’s really hot...”

Ryan looked out at the water, “go for it Sum. Go for it and see what happens.”

Ryan squashed down his own feelings, he wanted her to be happy, “- and you know where I am if you need me, remember, no judgements.”


	3. Chapter 3

Friday evening Ryan had planned to distract himself. And he actually succeeded, getting stuck in to a University assignment.

Matt, the guy he shared the place with had gone out partying being Friday night and all, and Ryan was able to engross himself in his studies. 

He jumped in surprise when there was a knock at his apartment door.

Ryan frowned, glancing at the clock, quarter to midnight, too early to be Matt who was known to lock himself out in the short time they had been roommates - but who on earth would be calling on him at this hour - and then in a flash, he remembered Summer and her date and sprinted to the door.

It was indeed Summer, her eye make up smudged and tears still glistening in her eyes. It wasn’t until she pushed past him, kicking off her high heels that he admired the little black dress she had on, before shaking it out of his head, disgruntled at his own inappropriate thoughts.

”Didn’t go so well?” He asked, following her into the shared living room.

Summer threw herself down onto the soft couch. ”It went great.”

”Oh?” 

”Until he dropped me back at Taylor’s apartment and tried to kiss me.”

”Oh,” he sat down cautiously next to her.

She sighed and didn’t offer up any more information.

Suddenly Ryan frowned, “did he hurt you? Try to get handsy? I’ll beat the shit -“

”-No! The date was perfect. He was perfect...” she drifted off.

”But?” He prompted...

“Three things came to me all at once. Marissa. Seth. You.”

He waited for her to gather her thoughts, producing a tissue from somewhere and handing it to her, she wiped at her eyes, ridding herself of the smudged make up.

”I realised I wouldn’t be able to call Marissa and give her all the details of my date,” she said sadly.

”Then I realised, Seth,” she swallowed with difficulty, “would never be kissing me again.”

Then she looked at him nervously, and seemed to resolve to just blurt it out, “and then I realised I didn’t want him to kiss me because I want you to kiss me.”

Ryan blinked, “you want me to kiss you?”

She blushed and also managed to look ashamed, ”not now, silly...”

Ryan let out a long breath he didn’t realise he was holding, and slumped back on the couch.

Summer did the same and shifted to look at him sideways.

”I gather you may feel some _things_ too... unless Taylor is totally bullshitting me?”

Ryan didn’t need words, much less could find the right ones, he just fixed her with a longing look.

”I guess... we can just let things take a natural... progression?”

”How come you went on the date?” Ryan asked quietly.

”I did like the guy, and he asked me. The date _was_ great, he just wasn’t the right person. I think... I thought... I thought never either of us would ever cross that line. Ever. Cohen - the elephant in the room,” she closed her eyes, “but our chat the other day... Cohen and Marissa are not here, we aren’t betraying them. We’d never... if they hadn’t...” she swallowed, “died.”

She opened her eyes and shifted, sitting up, “but they did, and they aren’t here. And the only one that’s got me through that darkness has been you. It’s not perfect, us, together, in the aftermath of their deaths, but... you pulled me though, you make me smile... laugh... you make me happy Atwood, when I wasn’t sure in those early days I ever would be again.”

Silence settled, this time, a first time for them it was mildly uncomfortable.

“Will you stay tonight?” Ryan asked suddenly, “you can change into something of mine and we can just sleep, like we used to in the pool house.”

Memories of many tearful nights bombarded Summer’s mind, horrendous days and nights of sobbing and being unable to speak, but looking into Ryan’s eyes, another feeling from those days flooded her. The memory of strong arms which held her above water, not letting her choke, unrelenting in the support. An understanding without words, an love of sorts.

Summer let herself smile, “sounds perfect, Atwood.”


	4. Chapter 4

They had changed and climbed into Ryan’s bed, falling into an embrace easily.

Summer sighed in contentment

Ryan shifted, “you know how you said you didn’t want to do anymore talking tonight?”

”Mmmm,” she looked at him, questioning him with her eyes.

”Well, _I_ do... you don’t have to say anything else - but I do. Want to talk, I mean,” he began awkwardly.

”Wow, you want to talk,” she gave him a sly smile.

He slightly tickled her ribs in response to her cheekiness.

After a short bout of giggles, seriousness settled back and Ryan began, “you talked before about how I pulled you through... and when you weren’t sure you’d be happy again... I made you laugh and smile and... well... I don’t think it was quite like that.”

”No?” She asked, puzzled.

”No. It was you who pulled _me_ through. I think without you, with both Seth and Marissa gone...” he shook his head, “I was so angry early on, remember?” Summer nodded, “I would have gone after him I think - done something stupid -“

”- you talked about it Ryan, you talked about going after Volchok when he disappeared but I don’t think you would have -“

”- I would have,” he cut her off. His jaw clenched, “without you. But at the beginning I needed to be there for you when I was numb from my own grief, so that stopped me, then... then I couldn’t leave you. And you convinced me to finally let go...” he squeezed her tighter, “I love you for it, Sum.”

”And you are right. I would never act on any sort of feelings for you, because you are Seth’s girl... but when Taylor said about your date. I knew any guy you would date would question our close relationship - I would any girl I was seeing was so close to a guy. I feared he would want you to spend less time with me, and I couldn’t do that.”

”I could have done the standing back, just being happy that you were happy and never doing anything about my own feelings, but I couldn’t not have you in my life as you are now...”

”And now that you have admitted you have feelings for me too... I am happy with what you said, to let things progress naturally.”

”Only there is nothing natural about this,” Summer piped up. Proving once again how alike they thought.

Ryan nodded, “exactly.”

She rolled her eyes, “everyone is going to be thinking how weird it is for us to be together -“

Ryan was shook his head, “well, not necessarily - Taylor for instance, having seen the natural,” he smirked at the use of the word again, “progression from grieving to friendship to more... she’s actually rooting for us.”

”I know! Little pot stirrer she is, ‘Did you stay at Ryan’s last night’ ‘you should get Ryan to take you to that new restaurant’ ‘have you seen Ryan’s been working out’. If I didn’t know better I’d think she was hot for you herself!”

Ryan smirked, “hot for me are you Roberts?”

Summer punched his shoulder, “we’ll get there, Stud.”

She eyes him carefully for a few minutes, “you are worried about the Cohen’s though,” she decided.

”Yeah.”

”You don’t think, like Taylor, they have seen us become close...”

”Yes but it won’t stop the fact that I’m their adopted son with designs on their dead sons girlfriend. That if the crash hadn’t happened, you’d probably be their daughter in law in a few years time... a Cohen, not an Atwood.”

Summer shrugged, “and we will never ever know that. We can play what ifs all day long. But we can only be sure of what’s happening here. Right now. To us.” Ryan squeezed her tighter.

”You know what I remember? That first day, after dad called and told me the news... I rushed to the Cohens - rushed to you, I knew you’d be hurting, like I was, probably more - and what I found was the Cohens broken, rightly so. And you were picking up the pieces around them.”

”I waked into that house, seeing this and prepared to be the strong one for you while you were being strong for them.” 

”Then in reality I fell apart too - and you pieced me back together.”

”Only because I was numb.”

”Then slowly Kirsten and Sandy woke from their grief, the shock and in the end, it was _all_ of us, taking care of each other. Through the numbness - and the anger, the grief, the tears, the absolute devastation, and to acceptance. You were able to move to University as planned although slightly later, because we all pulled together.... Kirsten, Sandy, you and me... to an extent Julie too, we evolved into a new family. And they won’t care, Ryan. Well they will - they’ll be _happy.”_

Ryan swallowed and slowly nodded.

”Now, are we done talking?” She snuggled back up to him at his nod, ”because all I am right now is freakin tired.”

Ryan gentled kissed her forehead, “goodnight Sum. We can talk more... and stuff tomorrow.”

“And stuff huh?” Summer impulsively leaned up to kiss him on the lips, and then grinned at his shocked reaction, “goodnight Ryan.”


End file.
